Melon Bakery

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2009-07-14T10:39:00.002-05:00

Couldn't for the life of me find this blog until I incidentally registered the same email and password for a different blog. Wow, it's been a while. Meepity.

butts butts butts butts

Thank God UIC is not one of the colleges participating in the contest for a DMB concert.

2007-10-03T22:33:00.001-05:00

I'm not sure if I'd ever have the proper time and resources to campaign against sending invites to what is inarguably the most overrated alternative band of the nineties. Dave Matthews Band shall never set foot on our fractured yet hallowed campus, for Chicago itself shall never forget the August 04 dumping of 800 lbs of human waste from their tour bus on unsuspecting passengers of a sight-seeing boat down below.

You're probably thinking that that single incident could not possibly be the only reason why I loathe the though of DMB playing at my school. And you're right. As do most other rational individuals, I hate their fans. Dave Matthews Band has the absolute most obnoxious fanbase out of any band that I can think of.

Here's to my friends at Champagne, who are currently tempting fate with their txts and button clicks.

http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=2204237693&ref=nf
Apparently, fans of the magazine McSweeney's are elitist hipster jackasses who think way too highly of themselves. Stereotyping people based on their interests is a really dickhole thing to do.

2007-10-03T01:20:00.000-05:00

It turns out that I've just missed a gathering of fans of the absolute best webcomic out there- inspired by this strip -on October 23, 2007, 2:38:00 PM in a park in Virginia.

Randall Munroe is simply a genius whose strips resonate so deeply within me that I can almost swear that I'm a schizophrenic and that xkcd is bunch of false memories of seeing my thoughts projected onto the computer. Hilarious, awe-insipring, geeky, poignant, whimsical, and personally relevant; xkcd is now a part of my life that I cannot imagine being without.

Anyways, here's Randall's blag recounting the event that I would've missed a Friday of school to get to and suffered a Sunday of torment for.

BTW, currently you don't need any sort of account to comment here, and there's a bit of extra content in this blag that's kinda hidden in plain sight... Ok, later.
If you do find this, don't blab about it in the comments and ruin the fun for everyone else. kthanxbaikittehkat.

Bunnies eating our tulips

2007-10-02T22:34:00.000-05:00

" "
Ten words: snapping bunnies twitching gurgling forget the bombs in your eyes. Roaring with whispers to the tiny bunnies SMASH/SPLAT those fucking bunnies. Send them information in a sensationalist manner, THEY CORRUPT. Heads snapping and misspelling eyes twitching in response to the sound of the words. Red world-like words zooming boiling. Moons in the shallow sky. Roaring with whispers to the tiny bunnies SPLAT/SQUISH those fucking bunnies.

Meet Chippy

2007-10-02T19:44:00.000-05:00

My awesome highschool friend, Janet-Planet-Bo-Banet-whose-guitar-jams-ain't-half-dammit Kyeon caught a chipmunk in her garage. IMO, she's very brave to have done this, as chipmunks have teeth sharp enough to bite your fingers off, and eyes as black as the the hellish depths of a deranged slashfic-writing fangirl's mind.

She took a pic of this gremlin-squirrel, and you can see that a few peanuts were thrown in its jar so as to placate the beast enough to not attempt any violent insurrections that would surely shatter the flimsy glass cell.

That was a really bad move, IMO, as you can clearly see the chipmunk looking out the garage door and signalling to its just-out-of-view brethren an escape plan by tapping out morse code with its bushy-wushy tail. Janet was lucky enough to have released the chipmunk before a massive coordinated swarm of tree-rats jumped her and feasted on her sweet human flesh. Or peanuts. I'm not sure how carnivorous chipmunks are.
Redaction 1: To my knowledge, my friend does not play guitar. But everyone plays GH these days, so that's a moot point.
Redaction 2: The pictured jar is most likely a kimchi jar, the pinacle of glass food container engineering, as it must hold within its liquid walls the most deliciously pungent smelling food known to man. If you get ever get kimchi juice on your hand, your fate is sealed. You have been warned.

I hate the web-o-nets.

2007-10-02T19:15:00.000-05:00

The internet is full of shit.

The internet is full of useless shit.

The internet is an ocean of soul-sucking mediocre shit that floods and overtakes all or any islands of decent content that make it worth traversing.

Nani?

Right now, I'm just mad at all or any smug bastards on the webs who produce painfully mediocre content which they dare to call humor. Or a well-formed and justifiable opinion. Or a decent blag on melon bread.
I know I must seem like an angry person. But I'm just in a violent kitty-killing mood right now. I'm ususally very precious and quaint. The topic of my next post will be chosen in a calculating manner in order to demonstrate this.

We're object-eaters!!!

2007-10-02T16:04:00.000-05:00

I was eating lunch today when I just realized something: we eat stuff. Sure, food may be special to us cuz it's tasty awesome nutritious biomatter, but still, we're eating objects. Why can't we just rely on sunlight or walk over powerups to fuel our useless lives?

I spend so much of my money and time acquiring food-things and biting and forcing them down my throat, but it's so strange to be consious of the fact that we eat food to keep ourselves from dying (and we still die anyways). And although I can say with certainty that I'll never die by eatable object-deprivation, it's still a possibility for every one and each of us.

Readers beware, eatable object-deprivation-related death is out there.

No, you're the one wasting my time with this bullshit. Shut up.

Redaction: I just realized that I really can't say anything certain about my future. Except that it'll involve me doing your mom.